"The more man smokes herb the more MTV falls"

Now it is time to commit to a belief. "Yeah, she seems pretty cool, ya know, likes to have fun." Or, "she ain't worth my effort." The first thought exhibits care. Small doses are suggested. Call her a few times. Display a sense of friendship, of chemistry. Play with her words, play with her mind. Shine through with evidence of a man truly interested.

All the while visualize her naked. Small, blonde, 18, great body, tight ass . Now compare her to girls you've seen before. How does she stand up? Discover frightening similarities to the girl you probably should not have dumped in your very old stupid past. Now keep visualizing her naked and take your thoughts to my second previously mentioned (suggested) belief. The one about her not being worth it. Tell your friends your over it, done with it, never even had but you are cool with it.

Now it is time to lay out the two scenarios. They are both completely fictional. Idealize, idealize and then idealize some more. Listen to what friends say. Mold an image of her and take it with you wherever you go. When you find out more this image will change. Try not to act at all surprised when you find out things are not at all the way they seemed. Become annoyed. Tell everyone how many stupid girls there are. Philosophize in awe at the events that have transpired. Come to the conclusion that she is a product of a crooked society. Built of rules, and you know, MTV man. Its fucked everyone up. Now take a walk in a forest. Or near a river. Or go surfing. Tell yourself how "real" of an experience that was. Now you have a new life. Built by reaffirmed beliefs, and forgotten ones. Your mind feels fresh.

Keep smoking marijuana. If you need to smoke less to get work done than do that. But remember, the more man smokes herb the more MTV falls. Maybe it was Bob Marley who said that. Maybe not. Maybe the stars have aligned for a brighter future. Maybe not. Maybe my nachos belle grande was made perfectly, with tons of cheese. Maybe some horny, acne ridden, little bastard jizzed in it. Either way I am going to eat it. Either way it will seem good and just the way I like it. And of course, either way its going go give me a stomach ache. The three a.m. sit on the toilet and wonder "why me" shits.

Think of what brought you to TACO HELL in the first place. I was stoned. The commercial showed cheese oozing off the chip. There was this funny small talking dog biting the ankles of midgets. Now think of why midgets are wonderful marketing tools. Go to bed with an ass burning from taco sauce and compare your lust for tacos to that of girls. Does any of the contemplation do any good? Should I just live with the fact that I am going to usually eat the taco if it sounds good, comes cheap. What am I going to waste besides time and toilet paper? In the end who cares? Make sure you enjoy what you consume because in the end we are all going to have to wipe our ass and flush it down the toilet. In between the beginning and the end we will all need to be guarded, emotionally obtuse. If we don't listen to anyone, especially ones self, things should be just fine. Come to the conclusion that there will not be any conclusions. Not yet, not enough of our man made clock has ticked by for us to judge. Leave yourself open. Pass out. Tell yourself you can't wait for all the confusing women you are going to meet. Think of the ONE you will eventual meet. Ponder, ponder, ponder......now fall asleep.....with a smile. It is time to dream.

Please Note:

So as some of you may know because I bring it up everywhere I go, I'm newly single. In my efforts to remember what it was like to be single, I came across this, something I wrote when I was 21 years old (5 years ago). A lot has changed in this time but interestingly, I find myself standing in similiar shoes as I did when I wrote this previously unpublished work. Reading this does not make me want to turn back the clock (ummm, well maybe it does) but it does make me laugh. I like myself at 21. Also, for the record, this is an edited version of the original. Reading certain edited parts reminded me of how crude I was.

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